Weekly Winners Sunday Meme

It’s late (for me). Here’s my best. Here’s some even better by a whole lot of other bloggers – including, and hosted by,  Lotus at Sarcastic Mom (she’s a Goddess – you can tell because she keeps wanting to eat her offspring).

 

 

Little boy blue…(soccer guru in the making)

 

 

 

 

 

 

Send in the clown…

In my footsteps… (mine, casually cast off; his, not so…)

 

Bromeliad

 

Our backyard (aka the Jungle)

 

The elegant “Miss M” (Mahlia)

 

 

He’s my angel…even when he’s not…

 

Anniversary

What a difference a year makes!

This time a year ago, I was filled with trepidation and incredible uncertainty about what lay ahead, yet I knew that nothing would change my mind from the course I had decided on.

Ending my marriage was the best thing I did all year (and I did some pretty good things last year). I have never regretted it, not for one tiny moment. In fact, as various bits of information came my way over the year, I have had even more reason to know that I made the right decision, for me and the wee man.

It’s been hardest in relation to him, the little guy. He loves his daddy, bless him, and though I know that loving and seeing both parents is good and right and best for his emotional development etc etc blah blah blah, I also know that it is going to bite him in the arse down the track (if you’ll forgive the colloquialism).

His dad is not a very good person, though he tries to convince himself and everyone else that he is. He lets people down, badly, and worst of all those he loves. Self-sabotage is his specialty, which means if you are in his orbit you get hit by the fall-out. His relationship with his other son has already accumulated a critical level of damage, just as the boy enters his teens. He began last year with an opportunity to do it differently with the wee man, to be the person he always claimed he wanted to be, to be the father he wishes he’d had. To a large extent, he has failed.

That’s his journey, their shared journey, and I can only do what I can in terms of being the best parent I can be, and a constant and a comfort to the wee man. The little guy made it a bit hard for me at the beginning of last year, taking his father’s cues and blaming me for the split. He never said so, exactly, but he was angry with me often, and took his father’s line that he could live with him any time literally, and used to threaten me with it whenever he wasn’t getting his way – I didn’t tell him it would have been an empty promise. When he came back after that 2 week holiday/road trip with his Dad in (?) April, things had changed – he had a new appreciation for me, and most of the anger was gone. That made life much easier, because his anger and my unexpressed frustrations and anger and fears were rubbing very badly together, and I was afraid that instead of taking him from danger I was leading him into it. We were both damaged, and there was a point where I worried if the long-term consequences were beyond my control.

Yet, at the back of my mind, I knew that this, too, would pass. After all that we had been through, and with all the other goodness in our lives, we would find a way through these feelings. And in the end, we just did.

So far, this post has focused on the negatives, which was never my intention - there were so many positives to the last year, such a sea-change to my life that I celebrate today.

Returning to myself: living in tune with my beliefs; many small and large achievements in my community work; being able to pick up the phone without fear of drama or debt collectors; running for local government, making choices about where I live and what I wear and where I’m going without having every single thing examined, questioned and misinterpreted; watching my little man grow and blossom and smile and see ME grow and blossom and smile – there is so much that makes this an occasion to be celebrated.

This Christmas was a gift in itself.

Spending time with my family at my mother’s home on the Sunshine Coast was something we had done a few times over the years, including twice in the wee man’s lifetime. Every visit was marred by some kind of drama, and last Christmas was really the final straw for me – 2 weeks later I declared the marriage over, and weathered the blustering, begging, and belligerence until it finally, truly, was over.

Going to Mum’s again enabled us to lay a new track down over the old. We lived a fun, laid-back, loving, drama-free Christmas, such as the wee man has never known in his lifetime yet had always been my experience before being with his father. I can’t tell you how good that makes me feel. Look at the picture – Mum took it on Christmas evening, and it tells you all you need to know .

So, happy anniversary to me. I’d thought of having a little party or drinks with friends, but it did seem somewhat tasteless – ending a marriage is not something I chose to do lightly. Anyway, the real party is in my head and in my heart – I’m the only one who can hear the music, and I’m happily dancing alone.

Weekly Winners Sunday Meme- Can I play catch-ups?

Let's not talk about how long it's been since I've stumped up for Weekly Winners - indulge me, by ooh-ing and aah-ing at the gorgeous Aussie Christmas the wee man and I shared with my family up on the Sunshine Coast of Queensland. It was warm, fun, relaxed and a wonderful antidote to the tainted memories of past Christmases.

And say "Hi" to the gorgeous Lotus (Sarcastic Mom), whose fabulous institution is the Weekly Winners. Give her a big hug while you're there - just because...




The wee man adored doing workouts with his Uncle J







The self-titled Saucepan Man (How many readers of the Magic Faraway Tree here?)




Gorgeous beach afternoons, each of us to our own passions: me, with my camera; the wee man, sand and water; my mum, her yoga; Rusty, socialising...


























Christmas Eve...






And then it was Christmas Day...














...back to the beach...





...before home for the Christmas BBQ. These 2 just as fascinated with fire as last year!

Rules to Live by

I'm starting the new year by distilling all my acquired life wisdom into a few succinct phrases or rules. It's as good a place to start as any.

One of the many wonderful blogs which captures my attention, often at the expense of my own blogging (but when there is this much great content around who needs to listen to me anyway?), is Gretchen's The Happiness Project. Do have a look around - she has much to offer, not least the comments and sharing from her subscribers, which often lead to me to other treasures.

Her final post for 2008 was New Year's Resolution: Four tips for writing your personal commandments. She shares her own 12 rules (of which my favourite is "Be Gretchen."), and some that other readers have shared ("Don't rehearse unhappiness" is profound: "Do stuff" covers everything), and gave me plenty of food for thought.

Re-aligning with my values and beliefs has been a big part of 2008 for me. Some of you may detect some of the deeper themes, the lessons of my recent life-changes; I know I did.

I sat here and doodled and pondered on and off for half of the day, in between playing and picnicing and just damn sweating (sooo hot...I'm still melting and it's 10 at night), to encapsulate my beliefs into their essence.

Here, in no particular order, are my own personal commandments:

Seek truth.

Trust my instincts.

Simplify.

Share my vision, shine my light.

See good, say good and do good.

It's okay to ask for help.

Treasure every moment.

Always with love.

Be legendary, prove real.



What rules are you choosing to live by in 2009?

From me to you...

With love and hugs and very best wishes for the New Year, to all my favourite bloggers and readers... xxx



PS. Stay tuned for a new-look "Careful..." in the new year!

I knew it!

;)

He thinks he's getting away with it...

...but he's not sure. I'm not ranting, or even mentioning how his behaviour has impacted us. In the corner of his mind, warning flags are flying: "...when she doesn't say something, look out!".

There's two reasons for my silence.

Losing my temper is wasted energy anyway. He takes no notice regardless, and it simply gives him an excuse to cut off any discussions at all. I am biding my time. In two months, we will have been separated for 12 months. In 2 months, I will be seeking a divorce. I will be formalising the arrangements surrounding the wee man. The court will hear the situation, and we will have to do a mediation session, and he will hear from people, other than me, how his behaviour affects his son.

Probably won't make a blind bit of difference.

Oh, and the other reason?

Because the rest of the time, when he's not around, I am happy. Since I know from long experience that much of his behaviour is just trying to pull me down to his level, I need him to see me how I am now...happy.

Intermission:

Well, I won't be winning any of those fabulous prizes at NabloPoMo. I completely forgot about posting yesterday - you know they say it takes 21 days to make (or renew) a habit, and I'm obviously not there yet.

I'm home alone tonight, my glands are swollen and I ache in every part of my body - guess where I'm going?!

Normal blogging service may resume soon....Here's something to look at in the meantime:

Barmy for Obama

(Can I just lead this off by saying I think he's a bit hot, actually? I mean, it's not just the new-Leader-of-the Free-World thing...usually that kind of power doesn't do it for me. No, it's his mouth, and his eyes...very warm, sensuous, intelligent, that quirk of humour...lucky Michelle, I say!)

Well, whatever he's got, America and most of the rest of the world want to see more of it! Hurray!

There is going to be a whole lot of serious and measured political commentary (and a whole lot of drivel, too)in blogs worldwide on the rights and wrongs of America's choice tonight, and I have nothing to add to that.

I can only talk about what I see, which is a man of courage and quiet dignity, who has given me a sense that he is capable of initiating that change he has been talking about. I would have voted for him, if I were American, and I think I would have been pretty vocal in my belief that he was the right man for the job in the lead-up to this election.

The change that he represents, as the new leader of one of the world's major powers, is startling, and refreshing, and an occasion for great hope.

Can we hope, as the world faces a huge economic crisis, climate change spirals out of control, families struggle to meet basic needs and retain a roof over their heads, and war zones simmer with discontent?

YES, we can!



(This fantastic mosaic image is called Hope Over Fear, by tsevis, and is available under Creative Commons license from Flickr. Check out some of his other works, too.)

So where was I when I wasn't here...?

Truth to tell, it was real life that mostly got in the way. With the lead-up to the election (no, not THAT one...my local government election), plus the other things I like to involve myself in, plus everyday life with the wee man, I would flop gratefully on the couch at the end of the day, happy for some mindless TV or a little Sudoku...anything that allowed 90% of my brain to drift.

(And, it must be said, I found dial-up so intensely annoying and resented the huge amount of time spent waiting for pages to load that I often found it a real dis-incentive to turning on the computer to read or write blogs.)

However, there was another distraction, another seductive little time-waster, which won a lot of my on-line attention for a while...and it's all my family's fault!

That's right - if I hadn't gone to my aunt's wonderful wedding back in July, and had such a fantastic time catching up with my cousins etc (plus the new members of the family we inherited through the wedding), I wouldn't have made all those rash promises about catching up through Facebook!

Yes - I'm a bit of a late-comer, I know. I had a very minimalist presence on Facebook previously - just a bare-bones profile, as it was a place I used to stay in touch with one girlfriend who lived in England. Then my brothers found me there, and kept sending me all these silly applications (which piled up, 'cos I had no idea I could just hit 'Ignore'). I'd contemplated wiping my profile, sure I had far better things to do with my time...and then I went to the wedding, and suddenly discovered the real strength of Facebook, when it comes to keeping in touch with people you love.

All of a sudden, my family and I (and then my network in general, as I expanded to include many of my playgroup and preschool circle) were able to exchange photos with all with one click of a button, share happenings, children's triumphs, illnesses and worries almost immediately. Indeed, we often tune into the nuances in one another's status report, sharing a sense of supportedness and involvement that the sporadic phone calls and emails we previously exchanged couldn't come near to.

As any regular readers of my blog will know, I am a big advocate for community, and through Facebook, I found another level of community which transcended time and distance and, since it involved family, became very special. Things have quietened down from the first heady flush of connectivity, but Facebook is now a valuable tool in my daily routine, and I use it regularly to weave tighter the threads of family and friendship.

PS. Guess what was one of the first things I did when I moved into this house? Yep! Got me some of that broadband PDQ!!!

PPS. Guess who was the cutest of a very cute bunch of under-age wedding attendants at my aunt's wedding?

I knew it wouldn't be easy.

(No, I'm not already freaking out about NaBloPoMo, though goodness knows I've come into it a lot less prepared than '07. This time last year, I had some lists of possible blog topics and hot links in case the muse ran out on me. This time, I'm running blind...)

I meant the challenge that I faced, to negotiate the minefield that is co-parenting. Given all that I knew about the wee man's Dad, it was never going to be a cake-walk...

I had written much more on this subject, and was prepared to post it, when I reflected on something I remember another blogger saying once; about how she was conscious of the future when her kids, curious about what their old Ma got up to in her younger days, grew old and unwise enough to follow their mother's cyber trail on the Web and read all the embarrassing and intimate details of their babyhood and early childhood on her blog.

So, baby, for your sake I'm not going to tell everybody in detail how absolutely sucky I think your Dad is right now, how deeply sad I am at his selfishness in not recognising how his actions are affecting you, about why I am so profoundly disappointed that a person who I once invested all my love and trust and faith in can't even manage to rise above his shortcomings for your sake.

I'm sorry, sweetheart. Without him you wouldn't exist, and I know you love him deeply, but I'm sorry for the world of hurt and disappointment I've let you in for by choosing him to be your father. I hope he manages to be half the man I think he is capable of being, to do the very best he can by you, because right now I don't think his efforts amount to a fart in a snowstorm.

(I'm writing this when you are four-and-a-half...you've never experienced a snowstorm, but you'll laugh your head off at any sentence that contains the word "fart". You probably still do.)

I love to hear you laugh. Right now, your eyes contain a woundedness I never wanted to see - it's not just me noticing it, but it is up to me to do everything I can to make things better for you. I can only count on myself in this.

You're resilient and smart and sensitive, but far too young to be able to understand the nuances of your father's behaviour. I see you blaming yourself for all the stuff you don't understand, thinking that there is something wrong in you, and that is the only mistake you make...you are perfect, baby. You are a four-and-a-half year old mind in the body of a four-and-a-half year old boy; your father has the mind of a four-and-a-half year old boy in the body of a man.

My most fervent wish is that I can help you grow and integrate all these experiences and feelings in such a way that you don't become another wounded child walking around in the body of an adult. There are far too many of them (and I probably wouldn't entirely exclude myself from that category). As I type this tonight, I pray that you might be able to tell me, one day, that I got my wish...

Hallowe'en In Australia

An interesting post by Planning Queen over at Aussie Bloggers (Halloween In Australia) followed on from some conversations I've had this weekend with other parents post-Hallowe'en. Some of us felt a bit bewildered about the sudden development of this "tradition" in our village, and wondered if it was just a little too much Americanisation, or if there was some value in it for our kids. Here's my comment in response:


"It’s been a hot topic in my rural village this weekend, ‘cos somehow quite a few of us found ourselves roaming the streets behind our “candy”-seeking offspring… There is no doubt that they are strongly influenced in this by American culture…even my wee man, who watches very little commercial TV (and who had no idea, when we set out, that “candy” is the same as “lollies”.).

The conclusion that I reached, and most I spoke to agreed, is that I like the aspects of imagination and community contained in the celebration. The kids enjoyed planning their costumes, and getting dressed up to go outside on public display, and then we all trouped around knocking on doors and chatting and laughing and connecting with our neighbours. Some of the locals really get into the spirit of the occasion, and we got a tour of a fairy garden by the Wicked Witch of the West at one home…!? She was scary and hilarious at the same time, and my little man loved it.

So we started talking about ways to make it better for the kids next year, get those that want to more involved, and those that don’t can clearly opt out. Maybe a kid’s party or concert at the end of the trick or treating, too…an opportunity to dance off some of that sugar, and once again connect as a community.

But I also draw the line at Thanksgiving…"


For those of us with children, ignoring Hallowe'en and hoping it will go away because it is "too American" and not "part of our cultural traditions" is perhaps too short-sighted a response.

Like it or not, by exposure to the global village through TV and Internet, our kids pick up all kinds of strange ideas which appeal to them (fighting ninjas, snow at Christmas, time-travelling dinosaurs). How real and relevant they are to the children is really down to us and how we handle them, but the appeal of these ideas is not going to evaporate just because we say so.

By embracing all that is best about a celebration like Hallowe'en - the opportunity to celebrate imagination and community - we have the opportunity to make them relevant to us, to Australianise them (if you must) by building on the values of fun and friendship and playfulness (the Aussie larrikin), and to underline the multiculturism of our modern Australian society.

As parents, we can be involved in making the event a fun and safe activity for kids, without the descent into hooliganism and ugly satire that seems to play a part in the American tradition these days.

For next year in my village, we talked about using the village store as a distribution centre for some simple signage for those who wish to say Yes (or No) to Hallowe'en. It will ensure that parents and children feel comfortable about approaching houses, and will enable parents with younger children to plan a smaller trek to known "trick or treating houses". We also like the idea of finishing with a party or dance at a central location (perhaps the school or preschool) - with a little cooperative effort from all an event can be easily organised, and provides another opportunity for us to join as a community (and gives the grown-ups an excuse to get dressed up, too...).

What do you think?

...And all of a sudden it hit me...

...just like that, I realised that it is November 1st, and one of the highlights of my year last year (okay, so I was leading a fairly unexciting life at the time...*chuckle*) was NaBloPoMo, and so...here I am!

For the unitiatated, NaBloPoMo is here:



Since I can barely manage to string together a blog post a month at the moment, I am rolling my eyes at my own lunacy..but hey! I'm always up for a challenge.

No more suspense

While I'm sure I'll take more (and better) photos, here's a couple of the wee man's new look hair-style.













After more than 24 hours since he came home I'm beginning to get used to it, even love it, but it marks a much bigger change than I imagined. He looks so much older! And I feel a little sad about it, too, because he lost a little uniqueness when he lost his hair... he looks like lots of other little boys now. I mean, he IS unique and still very beautiful to me, but you could see that cloud of golden curls coming down the street, you know what I mean? Oh well, I guess you can still see the bright red metal prosthetic leg a fair way down the street too...? LOL!

Contrary to popular opinion...

...I have not been abducted by aliens.

For some reason, which I have been unable to specifically formulate but instead have been idly examining in the privacy of my own head, I have drifted away from the habit of blogging and immersion in the blogging world.

There's some superficial explanations, like how immensely frustrating I found it being back on dialup this year, and how much that limited my enjoyment of the Net in general, and blogging (both writing and reading) particularly. And how caught I became in real-time activities like the campaign and preschool etc.

Ultimately, I think that blogging and the blogging world gave me a much-needed sanctuary, an escape, when so much of my life was going shit-side-up. Now, as things in my life are taking shape in ways which are generally pleasing and satisfying and sometimes just plain time-consuming, I have lost the habit of blogging as the need that it filled (to be heard, to be understood) has fallen away. I'm happy (mostly). It's on a level almost below sensing, like a sub-sonic hum - it has replaced the hum of misery which was there before. People tell me I look happy, whatever that means.

I might have forgotten blogging for a while, but I haven't forgotten the amazing people I have met while blogging, and I have been thinking of you and occasionally dropping in quietly on a few of you when I can. (Trish, Tiff, you two are particularly in my thoughts...you have had a VERY tough year, and I am still here cheering you on, awed by your courage and humour as ever. Cec and JCK - catching up real soon!)

For those of you who have been crazy kind enough to hang in there waiting for me to bob up again, here's a quick summary of the last couple of months:

The Election

- I ran for Council after all, but only on the bottom of the ticket to support the group and our leader who, I am thrilled to say, got on to Council. And what a Council!

We have a lady Mayor, Jenny Dowell, who I had the immense pleasure of getting to know a little through the campaign - she is a person of courage and grace and integrity, which has been incredibly tested as she was diagnosed with breast cancer 3 days after winning the election! She is having a mastectomy on Tuesday, and fully intends to be at the first official meeting of council the week after. The community at large is sending her a massive amount of goodwill, love and support, shocked that she faces this crisis so soon after her triumphant win, but I'm sure that she is winning even more supporters by her honesty and dignity in sharing this terrible time with us, and Breast Cancer Awareness Month has got itself its new best advocate.

We have a Green female Deputy Mayor, Vanessa Ekins, and we have a great mix of progressive and fairly young councillors making up the majority of the council, with only 3 of the original dominating conservative "Six-pack" voting bloc remaining. Clearly, the community has spoken out for change, and I am really happy to have been part of the process. I wanted to make a change in our council, and see a better representation of women, and I helped achieve that without having to be a part of it myself...

...This time. I have had some feedback from some of the wonderful people I worked with in this campaign, to the effect that I have "...a shining future in local government" if I want it. The group who worked behind the scenes to support our party (including some of those who supported the claim of the other local candidate) are keen to work with me, and him, and others, to continue to support our man on council, and make long-term plans for the next elections, four years hence. Looks like my career in politics isn't over yet.



We Moved

- The wee man and I have moved on from one-room living, and now have more than enough room to swing a cat (and she loves it!) In fact, we have a lovely little 3 bedroom house with a jungle of a garden, and our darling dog Rusty was returned by the wee man's dad when we moved, so we are a very happy little family.

We have our own rooms ( I can't tell you how grateful I am not to take 2 steps and then trip on Thomas the Tank Engine or Alfie or Harvey or whoever the hell little metal engine was sticking into my instep...?!), the wee man is sleeping through the night (most nights) in his OWN room in his OWN bed, and I am experiencing that amazing phenomenon where you shut your eyes and then you open them again and it's morning...wtf? It's only been nearly 5 years. (Humble apologies to anyone not currently experiencing this phenomenon - I'm not boasting...oh, okay...maybe a little bit.)

It's been wonderful to get all my things out of storage after nearly nine months, and while a few boxes have been shoved into cupboards unopened, generally the place is looking and feeling like Home. (I can't wait till next weekend when various members of my family will be arriving to help celebrate my birthday, and will get to see it.)
















I Had a Haircut

- More importantly, a haircut I LOVE! In fact, it's six weeks this week since it was cut and I am itching to go back for a trim, but my newly-discovered treasure of a hairdresser has had the gall to be off sick this week...lol!




And So Has The Wee Man

- Photos to follow...I haven't even seen it yet!?! He's away this long weekend with his Dad, and they rang me on the Friday to tell me he had been to the barber and he now had "little hair"! (Don't worry - this was a previously discussed decision. In fact, I had promised the wee man he could cut it as soon as the weather warmed up, but I drew the line at the Number One with the clippers that his father was itching to do!)


So...as I said, Life is generally good. Not perfect, nor necessarily easy, but good. Satisfying. Promising. And sometimes, laugh-out-loud great...