"Lynchings in Congo as penis theft panic hits capital"

Hollywood must be all over this story.

I mean, it's got the lot: action, pathos, humour, the occult, and (optional) nudity.

I can just imagine some of Tinseltown's big hitters (I'm thinking Denzel Washington here, maybe - or Forrest) jockeying to play the Kinshasa Chief of Police, who obviously would have all the best lines. Like:

"...they tell you that it's become tiny or that they've become impotent. To that I tell them, 'How do you know if you haven't gone home and tried it."

Pick me up off the floor, and wipe my tears away.