Contrary to popular opinion...

...I have not been abducted by aliens.

For some reason, which I have been unable to specifically formulate but instead have been idly examining in the privacy of my own head, I have drifted away from the habit of blogging and immersion in the blogging world.

There's some superficial explanations, like how immensely frustrating I found it being back on dialup this year, and how much that limited my enjoyment of the Net in general, and blogging (both writing and reading) particularly. And how caught I became in real-time activities like the campaign and preschool etc.

Ultimately, I think that blogging and the blogging world gave me a much-needed sanctuary, an escape, when so much of my life was going shit-side-up. Now, as things in my life are taking shape in ways which are generally pleasing and satisfying and sometimes just plain time-consuming, I have lost the habit of blogging as the need that it filled (to be heard, to be understood) has fallen away. I'm happy (mostly). It's on a level almost below sensing, like a sub-sonic hum - it has replaced the hum of misery which was there before. People tell me I look happy, whatever that means.

I might have forgotten blogging for a while, but I haven't forgotten the amazing people I have met while blogging, and I have been thinking of you and occasionally dropping in quietly on a few of you when I can. (Trish, Tiff, you two are particularly in my thoughts...you have had a VERY tough year, and I am still here cheering you on, awed by your courage and humour as ever. Cec and JCK - catching up real soon!)

For those of you who have been crazy kind enough to hang in there waiting for me to bob up again, here's a quick summary of the last couple of months:

The Election

- I ran for Council after all, but only on the bottom of the ticket to support the group and our leader who, I am thrilled to say, got on to Council. And what a Council!

We have a lady Mayor, Jenny Dowell, who I had the immense pleasure of getting to know a little through the campaign - she is a person of courage and grace and integrity, which has been incredibly tested as she was diagnosed with breast cancer 3 days after winning the election! She is having a mastectomy on Tuesday, and fully intends to be at the first official meeting of council the week after. The community at large is sending her a massive amount of goodwill, love and support, shocked that she faces this crisis so soon after her triumphant win, but I'm sure that she is winning even more supporters by her honesty and dignity in sharing this terrible time with us, and Breast Cancer Awareness Month has got itself its new best advocate.

We have a Green female Deputy Mayor, Vanessa Ekins, and we have a great mix of progressive and fairly young councillors making up the majority of the council, with only 3 of the original dominating conservative "Six-pack" voting bloc remaining. Clearly, the community has spoken out for change, and I am really happy to have been part of the process. I wanted to make a change in our council, and see a better representation of women, and I helped achieve that without having to be a part of it myself...

...This time. I have had some feedback from some of the wonderful people I worked with in this campaign, to the effect that I have "...a shining future in local government" if I want it. The group who worked behind the scenes to support our party (including some of those who supported the claim of the other local candidate) are keen to work with me, and him, and others, to continue to support our man on council, and make long-term plans for the next elections, four years hence. Looks like my career in politics isn't over yet.



We Moved

- The wee man and I have moved on from one-room living, and now have more than enough room to swing a cat (and she loves it!) In fact, we have a lovely little 3 bedroom house with a jungle of a garden, and our darling dog Rusty was returned by the wee man's dad when we moved, so we are a very happy little family.

We have our own rooms ( I can't tell you how grateful I am not to take 2 steps and then trip on Thomas the Tank Engine or Alfie or Harvey or whoever the hell little metal engine was sticking into my instep...?!), the wee man is sleeping through the night (most nights) in his OWN room in his OWN bed, and I am experiencing that amazing phenomenon where you shut your eyes and then you open them again and it's morning...wtf? It's only been nearly 5 years. (Humble apologies to anyone not currently experiencing this phenomenon - I'm not boasting...oh, okay...maybe a little bit.)

It's been wonderful to get all my things out of storage after nearly nine months, and while a few boxes have been shoved into cupboards unopened, generally the place is looking and feeling like Home. (I can't wait till next weekend when various members of my family will be arriving to help celebrate my birthday, and will get to see it.)
















I Had a Haircut

- More importantly, a haircut I LOVE! In fact, it's six weeks this week since it was cut and I am itching to go back for a trim, but my newly-discovered treasure of a hairdresser has had the gall to be off sick this week...lol!




And So Has The Wee Man

- Photos to follow...I haven't even seen it yet!?! He's away this long weekend with his Dad, and they rang me on the Friday to tell me he had been to the barber and he now had "little hair"! (Don't worry - this was a previously discussed decision. In fact, I had promised the wee man he could cut it as soon as the weather warmed up, but I drew the line at the Number One with the clippers that his father was itching to do!)


So...as I said, Life is generally good. Not perfect, nor necessarily easy, but good. Satisfying. Promising. And sometimes, laugh-out-loud great...

Weekly Winners, Sunday Meme

I have a bit of a back-log, so forgive me if this page takes forever to load. My mother's 60th birthday spent with family, the wonderful Fun Day we held this week on National Playgroup Day, and my ever-photogenic wee man and wee cat have provided much shutter fodder and happy memories.

For a glimpse of what's happening in other parts of the world, visit Lotus's blog (Sarcastic Mom), the lovely sponsor of this meme. Give her a hug on the way through - she's hurting right now, and we love her.





Looking rather like a koala...Miss Mahlia FurPants...




...who has the sweetest feet...





...and was in the wars last week - attacked a week after her op by a neighbour's cat, she has a bald patch and stitches on BOTH flanks now.






The birthday card we made for Nanna Mama








The wee man and Nan (his great-grandmother)





A quiet time with a movie after the big drive to Nanna's





Birthday girl





The wee man, me and Pop





The object of his affections





Primitive instincts...boy with fire





Unky J, in party mode





Beautiful party people





Playing with Unky J





Breakfast with Unky B





Musing on the night before...?






Welcome to our Fun Day





I'm not having fun





Oh, what a beautiful day!





My beret looks better on him





Wednesday's magnificent sunset










Ending as I began...with my furry baby.

Taking a breath before plunging back in...

It's been a very busy fortnight.

My Mum's 60th birthday last weekend - the wee man and I went up with my grandparents and brothers for a couple of days. We enjoyed some time together, helped Mum prepare for her party at home on the Saturday night, and generously had an absolute ball on the night...lol! Talking, laughing, singing and poetry and dance; Mum had a dream of an old-fashioned soiree, with the entertainments provided by the guests, and many of us obliged. (The wee man and I performed that preschool classic "Hello, Neighbour", with the aid of his first amour *cheeky grin*) Mum prepared a photo slideshow of her life and loves (her own "This Is MY Life"), which brought much laughter and some tears (mine, when my father appeared on the screen - unexpected and brief, but surprisingly raw). The wee man refused to go to bed until his little friend was gone, by which time we were all heading for bed, and he went to sleep with her name the last word on his lips.

Last Wednesday, Playgroups around the country celebrated World's Biggest Playgroup Day, the centrepiece of National Playgroup Week. Our local committee had decided in a moment of insanity to hold a public Family Fun Day, bringing together families with children under 5 and the local services and community groups who support them, and the last 6 months has been spent pulling these ideas and plans into reality. What a wonderful day it was, too! I ran around the park like a blue-arsed fly (to use a colourful Aussie colloquialism!), helping to co-ordinate the set-up and then MC'ing the day with the help of a wireless microphone. The weather was magnificent, and perhaps 500 people came (yet we hadn't done half the advertising we had planned to) and gave us excellent feedback, so we've deemed the day a great success. Probably the only child who didn't have a ball was the wee man, who was upset that I couldn't stay with him when he came with his preschool class, and spent most of the time crying and saying "It's not a Fun Day - I'm not having fun!". Oh! the Motherguilt! *wry grin*

Now, I have a moment of respite before I must throw myself into the fray again. Apart from the mountains of red tape we have to wade through to have the community preschool re-licensed (has to be done every 3 years), I am about to gear up for the election for Council. Later this month, there are a couple of seminars I must attend which will enlighten my ignorance about the legalities and processes of running for council, and I have begun attending Council meetings to gain an understanding of the processes, politics and people involved.

I am excited, somewhat exhilarated, slightly terrified, and cautiously optimistic. I am also worried about the little man in all this process, and I will carry his needs very high in my consciousness. He is showing some signs of insecurity and neediness (see above!) - not unusual in a 4 year old, but I sense there is a level of fearfulness related to the changes in our family life this year, and fallout from the hurt we all sustained and are still sifting through.

I had a call from his father first thing this morning (I'm talking 6.30am...very first thing!), exasperated that the wee man had awoken crying to come home to me and was still weepy and sullen and single-minded about it. I know that kids do tend to play off their parents to get their way (and this is not isolated to children from broken marriages), and I also know that the wee man's dad is under a great deal of emotional strain this weekend (his father, loved and loathed in equal measure, hangs onto life by a thin thread in a Wagga hospital, and I think he has decided not to go see him) which is no doubt seeping out to colour his mood and demeanour. I KNOW how uncomfortable he is to be with when like that, so can't say I blame the wee man, nor wish to force him to stay there, though I encouraged them both to try and see what the morning will bring and to be kind to each other.

The original plan of the shared care, that the wee man be with his father 3 nights and 2 days over the weekend, has never really happened, and the visits have dwindled to about 24 hours Saturday to Sunday. This saddens and frustrates me, both for selfish reasons (planning my own time and needs) and for the subtext (not necessarily true) I can see the wee man reading into it in capital letters: "...my father doesn't want to spend time with me."

With all the demands I will have on my time, and the increasing need to put myself "out there", I have a delicate dance to perform here. I'm giving serious thought to taking the wee man to see a counsellor, too, to give us both some strategies for coping.

I've found myself beginning again to read an excellent book I bought last year and never finished: Sarah Napthali's "Buddhism for Mothers". I'm not Buddhist, though many of my personal philosophies are Buddhist in nature, but I highly recommend this book to mothers everywhere, of any belief or faith - it provides real understanding, supportive strategies and calming insights, and I find myself immediately implementing some of its wisdom and feeling better for it, and seeing the little man respond well to those shifts, too.

Well, probably only a little time before the wee man returns (no doubt!). Time to pour myself a cup of green tea, and sit on the patio and gaze at the distant blue mountains...

Weekly Winners, Sunday Meme (Or, Let's Pretend It's Not Monday)

Wee Man's fourth birthday on the weekend. Visiting family (my Mum and brothers, yaay!), various birthday-related activities and cruisy Sunday with my mum = no time for blogging.

Hope y'all forgive me for being a little late with these happy snaps - and that's all some of them are, I have no pretensions of high art with this lot. Just lots of birthday laughter and sunshine and fun.

Go visit the gorgeous Lotus (Sarcastic Mom) and the rest of the weekly winners, too. Maybe some of them are doing high art this week?



Threatening skies




I have no idea what this flower is, but it is glorious





What could it be?




Taadaaaa!





Bike-riding is a serious business





It's not cool to pose with your mama





Wee man and Unky J





Boys at play






Birds-eye view





Sunday markets - Lennox Heads, by Lake Ainsworth





Lake Ainsworth (a ti-tree lagoon, beautiful for swimming)





Byron Bay - the most easterly point in Australia...a beautiful place best seen from a distance, far from the busloads of tourists!





How now, brown cow?





Would you believe, I didn't take a single photo of a) the wee man with his Nana or b) the beautiful Mahlia?! The first is a serious oversight; the second can be remedied next week.

Reflections on turning 40...

Not that I have been feeling particularly reflective or melancholic...far from it, actually, I've been having a ball this week...but the nature of the conversations I have had this week with friends, old and new, has been on what it means to turn 40.

To quote a very dear friend, from a wise funny email he sent me today:

" I think we’re at that age too when our perspective sharpens quite drastically. As my brother James says, at 40 you’re at the peak – you can see the other side and your fate. But you can also see and vividly remember where you’ve come from. There will be no other time in our lives quite like this one..."

And that very much seems to be the theme of this birthday week for me - the convergence of my past, my present, and the people and elements I imagine will play a major part in my future.

I have not seen my wise friend for many years, a dozen or more. He was my best male friend in high school. He teased me, tested me, tantalised and infuriated me in equal measure. He was very honest, articulate, a bit pompous and very honourable - he set such a high standard for my male friendships that it took years before I realised what a gift that friendship was, and what it had taught me.

He held a similar place in my best girlfriend's life, too, so you can imagine how strange and funny and exhilarating and refreshing it was to be sitting together on my deck eating and laughing and reminiscing with them, plus her partner and my husband, last weekend. Everything had changed - yet everything was exactly the same. The bond remains - "...there’s something special about a friend who got to know you at the same time that you got to know yourself. Don’t you think?" (My wise friend again).

Last night, recent friends joined us for a birthday dinner at my favourite local restaurant (Fire In the Belly - voted the best pizza in the country, and I'm happy to agree with that). My caring but normally undemonstrative girlfriend bought me a couple of things including a lovely photo box, but the gift that most touched me was a cheesy but cute fridge magnet with 2 baby monkeys shmoozing and the caption "Pals forever". I think she's right - she's part of my future, too.

So here I am, standing at the peak, looking forward and back. There's a lot to treasure, to appreciate, to savour, whichever way I look - sure, there's some crud, too, but you don't get to this point without being forged in the fire a few times and look what that does to steel.

This Sunday, friends old and new, family of birth and of love, are gathering here in my garden. "Help me celebrate my next 40 years", I said on the invite.

It's going to be great...